I am finding the intersection of life, imminent loss, change and creation a wee bit hard to navigate. it has been awhile since i posted here, not because i haven’t been creating, but more around am i worthy as well as i desire more… argh…
So why now? Consider this a glimpse into my current heartache and life circumstance. My father, the giant grounding stone is now in a roller coaster with life and death. the insane brain of a brilliant man is failing to hold back the fluid build up. Yet he persists on strength and weakness, as he becomes ever more frail.
I want the f***ing timeline! I want something solid to follow … oh, day 14 we are expecting him to ???? Oh, prepare yourselves and let him know he is loved. Nothing, we know nothing firm, other than he holds our hands and still asks for ice cream. But life and death keep playing with his timeline. One moment we talk about how he will make it back home, then in the same hour we talk about being without him.
The child in me is so gutted. this child that would do anything he asked. this isn’t about me it is about keeping my father at peace. it is about his path right now. OMG it hurts.
So I am sharing. These are the hands of my parents supporting each other.
This is my continuing homage and attempt at connection to my father, my grandfather, the land, and the ever present rust. Ashes to Ashes and rust.
still in progress…
this is nothing new in the circle of life and many people are living through much worse. My heart goes out to all.
tammygebhardtvisualart 