explicit choices, many come to mind at this moment. Not at all bad, just the reality of waiting. My wait is to hear if my submission has been accepted. Preamble to this moment in time is the year of tentative planning and wrestling with the nagging voice of ‘your art is not worthy’. The extension of the nag is too personal. It is always amazing what the internal seeks to present and then gets exploited by the insecurity of ego. Is it all self serving and egotistical to seek to create art, an extension of perception and attempt to link? Time in wait supports this internal dialogue mixed in with memories and learnt moments from the past. Forgive the esoteric montage, but i continually seek to understand this muse and need to create, to be apart, to share from a safe distance, and to be vulnerable. It is like a scream into a void, will it be heard? Will my art be seen and accepted? Will it continue to grow?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have completed many tasks (roasting 6 large pans of tomatoes and herbs to freeze, replanting peonies, making chili, cleaning of sorts, and planning to watch Wonder Woman with an amazing woman in her own right). Life is beautiful even in anxt.
2 thoughts on “Anticipatory Anxt”
Sounds to me like you are handling the anticipatory angst well. Never stop courting the muse!
Thank you (big heartfelt smile with glistening eyes)